Show Me the Money?

I hate asking people for money.  I hate “selling” my services.  I hate having to convince people that even though I help them manage their money, I don’t make a lot of money doing it.

It’s so illogical though.  I know I’m not going to do all this work for people for free, and I know the service is invaluable and worth what I charge.  I completely understand why people think it’s something they should be able to do on their own, even though most don’t.

Organizing your mail, balancing your checking account, and paying bills seems like something anyone with a half a brain and a decent job should be able to do, but I meet so many people who are completely overwhelmed with the task.  So when I sit and talk to someone about how they can benefit from my services, I need to really sell them on it.

The average client usually spends 6 hours a month on me.  I have one client who only requires 3 hours a month and another who requires about 12.  It depends on how much activity is going on in their bank accounts.  Once I start doing the work for a client, they’re sold.  They don’t have to go through mounds of mail, try to remember when bills are due, or sift through receipts at tax time.  For the $200-$300 a month they pay per month, it’s completely worth it.

So why am I so unnerved with talking about this to a skeptical client?  I’m sure it has something to do with having to deal with confrontation, or how I value myself, or some such other psychological issue.  I think I’ll leave this one un-analyzed and just decide that it’s something I need to just get over.  If I want to continue to help people, then I need to put myself out there and continue to market myself.  Show me the money!

Fears in a Grocery Store

It’s really important to protect the identity of the people I counsel.  Budget counseling is all about people’s personal money lives.  At times I think it’s the most personal thing someone can discuss with me.  It’s amazing how people will talk to me about problems their having with money and I’ll think I have some kind of idea of what they’re problem may be, but then once I ask for the specific numbers and I do the math I see a completely different story.  A session that starts out as “We need to improve our credit score and figure out how much money to save” becomes “I need to stop resenting my wife for making more money than me and thus sabotaging the bill paying process to compensate.”  That’s just one example.

I received a call today from a wife that is really upset.  I was in the parking lot of the grocery store when she called so most of the conversation happened while going up and down the aisles. We have talked on and off over the past three or so years.  Her husband keeps shopping.  She hates checking things on-line, so she doesn’t find out about most of the purchases until the credit card or bank statement shows up in the mail.  Most of the things he buys are for her, or other family members, or when they eat out.  The bottom-line number always surprises her.  His response, “I make good money. I should be able to buy these things.”  But it’s not what you make.  It’s what you spend.  All this shopping is keeping them from reaching some of their financial goals – buying a house, having a baby, just to name two.

Over the last several counseling sessions we’ve tried many things to help the husband track his spending.  He’ll stick to it for several weeks, and then it drops off.  He even agreed to have his wife give him a certain amount of cash for the week.  When the cash was gone, no more spending.  But then he started secretly using the credit card.  Now we’re talking about finding a way for the wife to get more comfortable with the internet and checking their bank and credit card balances more often.

But the truth is, all these things are just dealing with symptoms, not the problem.  Most money problems are not about money.  And this is especially true with spending problems. 

I was talking with a young woman about a month ago and she was going on and on about how she can’t resist sales, and she loves to buy dinner for her friends.  We talked for about 30 minutes before she quickly said, “…and then I have to give some to my mother, of course.”  It turned out whenever she came home after cashing her paycheck, her mom would insist on taking a lot of her money. “I wouldn’t mind if she was paying the electric bill or something, but I know that’s not what she’s doing with it.  And it’s not like I can say ‘no’ to her!”  This woman was spending all her money before her mom could find out about it so she didn’t have to give it to her!  Spending problems are rarely what we think. 

So, although I can’t say what will happen for sure with the husband described above, I suspect that spending all of their money has something to do with a fear not being faced.  Fears of settling down, growing up, and moving on with your life are extremely common. 

There's No Judgment

I'm going to have to stick to some rules with this blog.... 

1.      Write something every day.

2.      Talk about something related to fears

3.      Talk about something related to budget counseling

4.      Don't worry about what people will think

Worrying about what other people think is big with me.  It's always been that way.  That’s where the perfectionist thing comes from.  Waiting for something to be perfect will keep you from getting things done every time.  I have a huge list of things I want to accomplish with this mission.  But I tell myself that things have to be perfect so there won’t be criticism from others.  But there’s always the potential for criticism – especially when it comes to managing money.

That’s the first assumption people make about me as a budget counselor – I’m going to criticize their buying choices. “I know you think I shouldn’t go to Dunkin Donuts that often” or “I realize paying someone to clean my house seems excessive…” I ask people to make a list of their bills, with the amounts and due dates.  All I want are the straight numbers so I can plug them into a little spreadsheet I’ve designed.  But with each number comes a story, an explanation, a justification for the large Visa bill, the money owed for kid’s ice skating lessons, the student loan for the education not being utilized. 

Honestly, I don’t care.  There’s no judgment.  I just want the information so I can get a snapshot of where you stand financially.  Then, once I have the information, I’ll show it to you and then YOU can make the decisions about what you should and should not spend your money on.  You’d be surprised how many people have no idea what they spend their money on.

I don’t want this entry to be too long.  I’ll be talking about this topic a lot – spending less vs. spending awareness.  I don’t care what you buy.   I’m all about the awareness.